The terror of being an only child...

Picture it, North Carolina, last Wednesday ... you're driving to Atlanta, Georgia for a conference and you call home to tell your mom what you're doing for spring break since she wrote you a nice little note with a bunch of stamps so you can have your aunt do your taxes for you. She answers the phone and you have a quick chat. Things are fine; she's gotten over her nasty head cold and can finally breathe and talk without sounding like she's got the grill of a Buick Skylark rammed up her nasal passages.

Picture it, the Hilton Hotel in Atlanta, Georgia, this past Saturday ... interviews have gone well, the sun is shining and it's warm out. You call home to gloat that it's nice and warm and springish out and the phone's busy. Oh well, you think, probably on the computer. You call later, hours later, still, the phone is busy. Then you realize it's strange that the voice mail doesn't interceed ... so you get baked instead.

Picture it, somewhere between Atlanta and Pittsburgh, this past Sunday ... still the phone is busy.

Picture it, a bus stop on Fifth Ave, Pittsburgh, today ... still the phone is busy, still no fucking voice mail intercession ... WT Fuck!? You call your cousin in North Carolina because you don't have your Aunt's new home phone number to have her send out the hounds; you call your other Aunt, who's just had plastic surgury on her face -- and is quite drugged up at the mo' -- to try to get ahold of mom. Then you call your neighbors who live across the street and have them go over and bang on the door and tell them to call their fucking son who's been trying to get ahold of them for days.

Jesus. Re-fucking-diculous. Needless to say, I may possibly have overreacted ... but frankly, the situation was so out of the norm I think it called for a little panic. But things are fine. The dog has Lyme Disease but is being treated and has stopped limping.

Blah. Fucking ridiculous.

So, let that be a lesson ... ALWAYS FUCKING KEEP YOUR CELL PHONE ON AND WITH YOU AND KNOW HOW TO FUCKING USE IT!!!!!

And without much ado, the quote, again, from Overheardinnewyork.com:

Wailing six-year-old boy: But whyyy?!
Mom: Well, I know, honey, but kick him in the shins, don't kick him in the balls!